The Naming of Cats

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter, It isn’t just one of your holiday games; You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter When I tell you, a cat must have three different names.

First of all, there’s the name that the family use daily, Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James, Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey— All of them sensible everyday names.

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter, Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames: Such as Jabber or Jinx or the name of a Theatre, But all of them are sensible everyday names.

But I tell you, a cat needs a name that’s particular, A name that’s peculiar and more dignified, Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular, Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?

Of names of this kind, I can give you quite a few, Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Carlyle; There’s the wonderful Cat that is called Asparaguss, But I’ll bet you that never would have suited your style.

And there’s one name that is foremost in my mythology, And that is the name for my city and for my pride, And that name is Juno, queen of the civitas, In the theatre of her cathedral it’ll forever be advertised.

• TS Eliot